I Wonder if "Toffeeright Infringement" Is Next

Before anyone had made friends with Carl Schurz or Bagel Bob, moving to the Upper East Side seemed like a clear-cut bad idea. The only bar within walking distance was The Big Easy [don't bother fact-checking that one, it's the only one], the nearest subway stop was at Union Square, and it was municipal law to tip your doormen and elevator operators double what it would cost to rent an apartment in the hyper-affordable East Village. So, when my girlfriend said she'd be moving there in '04, I scoffed at the idea, saying "Nobody lives up there other than rich white women." Confused by the reference to an apparently well-dressed stranger, she sincerely asked me, "Who is Rich Whitewomen?" A laugh-track was cued, there may have been a slide whistle involved, and a timeless emoniker was born.

Several years and hundreds of invitations to funnel illicit Nigerian funds into America at a handsome profit later, richwhitewomen lives on at various domains. You can imagine my disgust when, after reading a harmless article about 5 Boroughs' Staten Island Landfill ice cream, I found the ice cream named after the Upper East Side: Rich White Vanilla.


I think we can all agree that Staten Island Landfill ice cream sounds delicious and funny, and that the related boycott is way out of line. But blatantly ripping off my original idea that the Upper East Side is best characterized by richness and whiteness is too much. Someone needs to put a stop to these Pat Boone creameryists, before richwhitewomen goes the way of my former email addresses, cherrygarcia@phantasytour.net and newcoke@theinternet.